Hi Guys! Anyone else wake up with a boner today? Football is back baby! Right into picks, we’ve got a lot to cover.
Clemson -37 vs GA Tech @ Clemson
Trevor Lawrence looks like he belongs on a tranny pornsite rather than the QB for the #1 team in the country, but here we are. The dude can ball along with the rest of Dabo’s crew. Tech has never been more than a 37 point dog, but there is a simple explanation for why that is the case. The Yellow Jackets are trash. New defensive staff for Tech means that Clemson scores every time they touch the ball through the first half. The second string should also put up plenty of points. I just don’t see this being close at all.
Northwestern +6 at Stanford
So any college football is better than no college football, but this should be boring af to watch. They’re basically the same team. Stanford lost some key skill players and NW has a new QB. The mighty returning Big Ten West champs out Stanford Stanford for the win. Give it a little sprinkle on the money line too.
Florida Atlantic +28 at Ohio State
Lane Kiffin is bringing his crew to Columbus to play an Urb less Buckeye squad and this one should be fun to watch. Justin Fields will be the starter for OSU after transferring from Georgia. Let that sink in. Imagine having so much talent at the QB position that the guy that loses the job transfers and will start at Ohio State. Crazy. I think FAU scores enough to keep it within the 4 TD spread and make you some cheese.
So I’ve been at this gambling thing for a long time. I remember picking games with my little brother and dad when we were just kids. Dad would get out the betting sheet and we’d all pick a few games. I’ve loved it ever since. Along the way I’ve picked up some rules. These rules are in place to make sure you aren’t separated from your cash. It seems appropriate to review those now.
Football betting
1. Thursday night home dogs are a thing. Believe it. 2. Sunday night overs. 3. Tom Brady, Nick Saban, and Urban Meyer really like to cover point spreads. 4. If you make a bet on the Hawaii game after 6pm on Saturday it’s not going to end well. 5. Never bet on the Huskers. 6. If you find your self with your betting app open after midnight, don’t hit the submit button. You can still do it in the morning and chances are you won’t. 7. Always fade my picks until at least week 3.
Golf Betting
1. Don’t bet against someone that is lower than a 6 handicap. They’re the worst. (Like I said, they’re rules, but I’m a moron. This is a playbook I’ve put together off my own bad beats. I’m trying to help the people) 2. Check the card and make sure to play golf courses where you get a stroke on 18. 3. Yes. It’s always double or nothing on 18. 4. Learn how to make 4 foot putts. 5. If someone you are playing with starts a sentence with “What odds would you give me on……” Tell them to kindly eff off. 6. In golf betting you are either the windshield or the bug. As soon as you identify which one you are on any given day act accordingly. If you can’t tell, you’re the bug.
Casino betting
1. Female Asian blackjack dealers are Satan’s helpers. 2. If you’re at a craps table and a woman comes up with her boyfriend and says something to the effect of “So how do I do this?” Give her the dice and back up the truck. 3. If a black man comes to the table with more than 5 items of jewelry and gets the dice, back up the truck. If this same man blows on the dice before throwing them you are to immediately initiate “takedown mode”. 4. The MGM in Vegas is the black hole of sadness. Don’t go there. If you are forced to go there play penny slots until your buddies get steamrolled and you can go somewhere else. 5. Black 31 on Roulette
General Betting
1. Always press 2. Gambling is dumb 3. We all love it.
Here’s to a good season fellas!
Ike